Don’t Let Social Media Distract You

Have you gone on a social media bender and regretted it? Have you been on dating apps for hours and abandoned your sense of self worth?

You are worth more than that. Your time is worth more than that.

Here’s what you need to do:

1. Set clear boundaries for yourself.

  • Cap the amount of time you spend online by setting a timer.
  • Designate a specific number of times a day you can be on particular platforms.
  • 2. Create actionable goals.
    • Set daily, weekly, and monthly goals pertaining to your use of the internet. Check up on your progress of reaching these goals along the way.

    3. Establish positive grounding habits

    • Experiment with new ways to ground yourself: meditation, yoga, tai chi, maybe a call home.
    • Repeat this grounding habit especially when it is most difficult to repeat.
  • Over time you will have more power and stability by creating positive habits for yourself.
  • “Finding Our Tribe” is Dangerous

    We have been taught to find our “tribe” or our “clique” since we can remember – in elementary school through high school to present day. We choose to exist within these tribes because they give us structure. They help to define who we are, our points of view.

    Often we make these tribes smaller and smaller, so that we may be able to more clearly define ourselves. The limited confines of these tribes shut out the outside world and we begun viewing those not in our tribe as different.

    I’m not saying being a part of a tribe is all bad, but I think the cons outweigh the pros. Let’s take a look at some pros and cons of tribes as we know them today:

    Pros: we find safe spaces, we connect with similar stories, we find validation.

    Cons: we limit the potentiality of our humanity, we cut off the capacity to hear others and gain greater compassion’s and understanding, we limit ourselves from finding compromises within society at large.

    In a time where leaders leverage their power and have difficulty finding common ground and compromising on critical matters it is important that we don’t separate ourselves further and further into separate factions, but that we try to understand each other. That we try to see “humanity” as the real tribe and not ten thousand separate tribes within humanity.

    A Few Tips for Staying True to Yourself

    We are conditioned from the very beginning. The thing about conditioning is that we don’t know it is happening when it’s happening. Sometimes it’s not until years later that we realize our conditioning and start to ask, “what is really me?”

    We have the possibility of breaking that conditioning, and it is up to us to do so. Here are a couple thoughts of how we can challenge our conditioning and get more in touch with our true selves:

    1. Allow yourself to be surprised.

    Talk to someone you normally wouldn’t. Do something outside your routine. By making changes from your normal path you will be questioning the narrative that has become locked and you might become surprised by the outcome.

    2. Ask the big questions

    Don’t remain satisfied in complacency. Strive for greater truth, question the beliefs you have established. When you are in the midst of a habit, ask yourself, “why do I always do this? What else might I do if I didn’t do this?”

    3. Go off the grid

    By removing yourselves from the influences that infiltrate your daily life you can become more in tune with yourself and who you are in your natural state. Even a couple weeks of the grid can provide great insight.

    Hope these tips help. I know you can break some old habits and discover more of your true self.

    Forge on and prosper.

    21st Century Love Needs Help, Please.

    Love is something we all want but that so many of us don’t know how to give or receive.

    I’m one of those people.

    And I don’t know, maybe it’s just my perception of the world around me, but why are so many of us twenty-somethings so messed up?

    We care about everything external. Our media emphasizes it, our social feeds demand it. We care about what others can give us. What their status is. What their financial standings are.

    None of that has anything to do with love and yet we still obsess over it.

    Why?

    It might be fun when your ahead, but none of us will stay ahead. You see, in this game there will always be something better, there will always be the next best thing.

    We need to start over, reprogram ourselves. Away from capitalism. Away from the toxicity of the media, of comparison.

    Because Gen-Xers become Gen-Zers and then who knows what nexters. We become something we can’t recognize, and we don’t recognize that we can’t recognize that which we’ve become. We become cyborgs, and that which is not human around us exploits our worst human tendencies.

    I picture life a hundred years ago differently, yet our worst human tendencies still existed. Yet they existed without the potential around every corner to be exploited. Everywhere we go now we are driven further and further into comparison of exterior forms with an unequal comparison towards our interior values.

    Our emphasis on our inner life and inner selves needs to be revitalized in a way that is not in the natural fabric of our media savvy 21st century brains. Please.

    #letstalkaboutit

    Sexuality Sucks, Or Moreover Our Current Perception of it Sucks.

    The way we see sexuality is boxes for others to understand us.

    Not everyones lives are constrained to these boxes and if people are able to free themselves of these boxes that is brilliant. But the pressure to confine to these labels… brutal. “Straight”. “Gay”. The scrutinized “Bisexual”. Each label coming with its own stigmas and supposed truths and lies.

    Kinsey talked about a spectrum of sexual experience.

    If you haven’t heard of the Kinsey Scale:

    “The Kinsey scale, also called the Heterosexual–Homosexual Rating Scale, is used in research to describe a person’s sexual orientation based on their experience or response at a given time. The scale typically ranges from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual.”

    We all fit somewhere on this scale, and so many of us fit in the shades, not exclusively finding ourselves attracted to one sex or the other.

    This seems all good and fine, and many people say they accept that. Yet I am astonished by the lack of acceptance that these shades actually receive in practice even from people within the so-called liberal left, the social progressives. Within us all there still lies this, “well I accept that as long as it is within the realm of socially agreed upon understandability” mentality. Maybe that’s just human nature, but I think we can improve. I hope we can. I know a lot of us think we have. And if that’s true, than that’s all the better.

    I personally associate with the queer community, as do many of my friends, because it is, as we see it, an opportunity for a label-less community in terms of defining sexual orientation. It is an umbrella term. It is a term saying to the world, “why does it matter what you name me, I am what I am”.

    I think the emergence of the queer community has been beautiful, but I still struggle with it. I don’t want to be labeled but I also want to define myself, and I don’t want to assume a label that says I am label-less just because I want to assume a blanket of non-judgement. It’s a predicament with perhaps no “right” answer.

    From my experiences pan-sexual is a more appropriate way to explain my experience. I have been in relationships and had sexual experiences with both men and women and my experience is very different with each person. If I am attracted to the person really depends on that individual person. It does not have to do with their sexual parts, but their heart, the essence that I connect to, their way of being.

    Years of living in the Big Apple and asking myself big questions on sexuality and I still don’t have any cut and dry answers to this dilemma of how to best term our sexualities for those of us who are definitely not a 0 or a 6 on the Kinsey scale.

    Thanks for reading. Comment below if you have any thoughts and #letstalkaboutit