Love is something we all want but that so many of us don’t know how to give or receive.
I’m one of those people.
And I don’t know, maybe it’s just my perception of the world around me, but why are so many of us twenty-somethings so messed up?
We care about everything external. Our media emphasizes it, our social feeds demand it. We care about what others can give us. What their status is. What their financial standings are.
None of that has anything to do with love and yet we still obsess over it.
It might be fun when your ahead, but none of us will stay ahead. You see, in this game there will always be something better, there will always be the next best thing.
We need to start over, reprogram ourselves. Away from capitalism. Away from the toxicity of the media, of comparison.
Because Gen-Xers become Gen-Zers and then who knows what nexters. We become something we can’t recognize, and we don’t recognize that we can’t recognize that which we’ve become. We become cyborgs, and that which is not human around us exploits our worst human tendencies.
I picture life a hundred years ago differently, yet our worst human tendencies still existed. Yet they existed without the potential around every corner to be exploited. Everywhere we go now we are driven further and further into comparison of exterior forms with an unequal comparison towards our interior values.
Our emphasis on our inner life and inner selves needs to be revitalized in a way that is not in the natural fabric of our media savvy 21st century brains. Please.
No one ever wants to work hour after hour at a job they are not loving, but sometimes we have no choice. I am one of those people who works at a paying job so that I can pursue what I actually want to do and still pay my bills. I work a money job. I know there are many many of us out there. And from my time working this job I realize some of us navigate it better than others.
From personal experience and from watching others who have much more experience in this arena, here are some necessary tips:
1. Just say “yes” over little things.
It’s not worth your time and energy to fight for what may be right. Besides you will most often lose if it’s your voice against someone higher up. I am not saying to be silent on the actual things that matter, but make the differentiation and save yourself the energy.
2. Don’t misconstrue management as your peer.
If you can establish a good relationship with them, great. However, remember they can crack the whip on you at any minute and you may be surprised by how nasty that is. Management may put up a nice friendly front, but remember to distinguish that they are your boss. Keep a healthy distance, don’t blur the boundaries. It will make things easier for you and save you time and energy.
3. Don’t do more or less than you need to do.
This tip is especially pressing if this is your “money job”. Save yourself time and energy by doing exactly what the job requires of you. If you do less than it requires will create problems and these problems will deplete of your energy. If you do more than you need to you will also be more depleted than you needed to be.
4. Remember your primary purpose.
If you stay in touch with why you are working this job and how it will help you to reach your ultimate goal, your time there will be less painful. When the going gets tough or you feel especially annoyed at work, try a couple deep breaths while imagining your ultimate goal.
Hope these tips help. They have definitely helped put things in perspective for myself and forge onwards.
I know so much and yet I know absolutely nothing. I am completely lost.
Sometimes I feel atop of the world and other times like all the steps I took to get to where I wanted led to nowhere.
So, which is true? What if I said both.
I think in order to accept whatever state you are in you have to accept it as the truth of where you are at. You have to allow yourself to sink into it. You have to allow yourself to not be ashamed of it. And you have to recognize it is a part of you.
Where you are at this moment is the truth, but where you are at the next moment is also the truth. Both are the truth and both can be opposite. Both make up you. Both can be held and encompassed by the confines of your structure, your nature.
“Truth” and “reality” are not singularly definable things. The ultimate “truth” and “reality” is a conglomeration of truths and realities.
Maybe with this outlook and the acceptance it it won’t be as difficult to take in moments that appear especially difficult, because we can recognize they are just a part of us.
The long paper trail of worries, doubts, and insecurities follows you.
Let’s try to let go of it. It’s not helping you. It’s lying beneath the surface, penetrating all of your decisions. Its oozing out whether you want it to or not. So let’s try some things that can help us let go of it once and for all.
Try these five steps:
- It comes up ➡️ Talk about it.
- Try feeling it. What is the sensation?
- Try letting it in more. What’s happening?
- Try embracing it, whatever it is.
- Reflect on the path of the sensation.
Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat.
Every time emotional turmoil threatens your well being, don’t flee or fight it. Follow this five step process. Trust that the more you follow it the more you will get in touch with yourself, every time relinquishing a little weight off of your shoulders and getting to know yourself a little more.
The more weight off your shoulders, the more you will be able to move freely within your own life, making healthy and mindful choices. The more weight off your shoulders, the more you will be open to what there is available right in front of you and what you can build upon.
And as always, if you have thoughts #letstalkaboutit
When I leave something in the rearview mirror I like to leave it there. But sometimes it just doesn’t stay there, you know? No matter how much you are like “NO”, It’s like “hahaha YESS”.
So, in order to ensure your rearview mirror is in prime condition here are my thoughts for better first dates and avoiding disastrous outcomes:
- Realize the circumstances. There is no obligation embedded in first dates. So, if you are not sure you want to do something, don’t do it. That includes anything from another drink to a nightcap.
- Favor the “no” response. If there is a question of whether or not you want to do something on a first date, the best option is probably just to say no. If sparks fly there is always the second date.
- Don’t compromise yourself. You be you. You be true. You be bold. At no time should anyone compromise themselves, but be especially weary of doing so on a first date when you might be most accustomed to shapeshifting to “make yourself look good”.
- Ask questions. On a first date it is easy to make assumptions about the other person. Ask questions instead of mind reading. If you are really listening to the other person’s responses, you will likely be surprised by what you hear.
- Be open to differences. Coming into a date with a preconceived notion of what someone should think or how someone should feel on specific issues will abruptly prevent the opportunity to connect. Instead of being adverse to differences, just try to be curious about them.
- You come first. You do not need to tolerate inappropriate behavior. If you are not being treated with respect, you have not only the power to leave, but also the responsibility to yourself to do so.
If I had followed these tips I think I would have saved myself a lot of time and unnecessarily spent energy. I hope you find so too!
Forge on and prosper. Thanks for reading. #letstalkaboutit