4 Tips for Dealing With an Annoying Job

No one ever wants to work hour after hour at a job they are not loving, but sometimes we have no choice. I am one of those people who works at a paying job so that I can pursue what I actually want to do and still pay my bills. I work a money job. I know there are many many of us out there. And from my time working this job I realize some of us navigate it better than others.

From personal experience and from watching others who have much more experience in this arena, here are some necessary tips:

1. Just say “yes” over little things.

It’s not worth your time and energy to fight for what may be right. Besides you will most often lose if it’s your voice against someone higher up. I am not saying to be silent on the actual things that matter, but make the differentiation and save yourself the energy.

2. Don’t misconstrue management as your peer.

If you can establish a good relationship with them, great. However, remember they can crack the whip on you at any minute and you may be surprised by how nasty that is. Management may put up a nice friendly front, but remember to distinguish that they are your boss. Keep a healthy distance, don’t blur the boundaries. It will make things easier for you and save you time and energy.

3. Don’t do more or less than you need to do.

This tip is especially pressing if this is your “money job”. Save yourself time and energy by doing exactly what the job requires of you. If you do less than it requires will create problems and these problems will deplete of your energy. If you do more than you need to you will also be more depleted than you needed to be.

4. Remember your primary purpose.

If you stay in touch with why you are working this job and how it will help you to reach your ultimate goal, your time there will be less painful. When the going gets tough or you feel especially annoyed at work, try a couple deep breaths while imagining your ultimate goal.

Hope these tips help. They have definitely helped put things in perspective for myself and forge onwards.

#letstalkaboutit

Thoughts on How We See Reality

I know so much and yet I know absolutely nothing. I am completely lost.

Sometimes I feel atop of the world and other times like all the steps I took to get to where I wanted led to nowhere.

So, which is true? What if I said both.

I think in order to accept whatever state you are in you have to accept it as the truth of where you are at. You have to allow yourself to sink into it. You have to allow yourself to not be ashamed of it. And you have to recognize it is a part of you.

Where you are at this moment is the truth, but where you are at the next moment is also the truth. Both are the truth and both can be opposite. Both make up you. Both can be held and encompassed by the confines of your structure, your nature.

“Truth” and “reality” are not singularly definable things. The ultimate “truth” and “reality” is a conglomeration of truths and realities.

Maybe with this outlook and the acceptance it it won’t be as difficult to take in moments that appear especially difficult, because we can recognize they are just a part of us.

How To Let Go of Your Emotional Past

The long paper trail of worries, doubts, and insecurities follows you.

Let’s try to let go of it. It’s not helping you. It’s lying beneath the surface, penetrating all of your decisions. Its oozing out whether you want it to or not. So let’s try some things that can help us let go of it once and for all.

Try these five steps:

  1. It comes up ➡️ Talk about it.
  2. Try feeling it. What is the sensation?
  3. Try letting it in more. What’s happening?
  4. Try embracing it, whatever it is.
  5. Reflect on the path of the sensation.

Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat.

Every time emotional turmoil threatens your well being, don’t flee or fight it. Follow this five step process. Trust that the more you follow it the more you will get in touch with yourself, every time relinquishing a little weight off of your shoulders and getting to know yourself a little more.

The more weight off your shoulders, the more you will be able to move freely within your own life, making healthy and mindful choices. The more weight off your shoulders, the more you will be open to what there is available right in front of you and what you can build upon.

And as always, if you have thoughts #letstalkaboutit

6 Quick Tips for Better First Dates

When I leave something in the rearview mirror I like to leave it there. But sometimes it just doesn’t stay there, you know? No matter how much you are like “NO”, It’s like “hahaha YESS”.

So, in order to ensure your rearview mirror is in prime condition here are my thoughts for better first dates and avoiding disastrous outcomes:

  1. Realize the circumstances. There is no obligation embedded in first dates. So, if you are not sure you want to do something, don’t do it. That includes anything from another drink to a nightcap.
  2. Favor the “no” response. If there is a question of whether or not you want to do something on a first date, the best option is probably just to say no. If sparks fly there is always the second date.
  3. Don’t compromise yourself. You be you. You be true. You be bold. At no time should anyone compromise themselves, but be especially weary of doing so on a first date when you might be most accustomed to shapeshifting to “make yourself look good”.
  4. Ask questions. On a first date it is easy to make assumptions about the other person. Ask questions instead of mind reading. If you are really listening to the other person’s responses, you will likely be surprised by what you hear.
  5. Be open to differences. Coming into a date with a preconceived notion of what someone should think or how someone should feel on specific issues will abruptly prevent the opportunity to connect. Instead of being adverse to differences, just try to be curious about them.
  6. You come first. You do not need to tolerate inappropriate behavior. If you are not being treated with respect, you have not only the power to leave, but also the responsibility to yourself to do so.

If I had followed these tips I think I would have saved myself a lot of time and unnecessarily spent energy. I hope you find so too!

Forge on and prosper. Thanks for reading. #letstalkaboutit

The Benefit of Being Alone, Like Actually Really Alone.

Being alone has always been difficult for me. Sitting with that solidarity, sinking into those feelings, confronting those thoughts.

But the truth is there is nothing stronger than fully being with oneself. In aloneness we tackle our deepest truest emotions and we come out stronger on the other side. We breathe in the sorrow and pain we feel. We embrace the difficult feelings and thoughts . We recognize them. We say “I see you and I accept that you are there. It is okay.” What doesn’t kill you does make you stronger.. at least in terms of being with oneself.

But let me clarify what I mean by being with oneself. Recently I have gained a new understanding of what being alone means. In our youth mindsets we have to recalibrate our understanding of alone to fully disavow the presence and power of technology. That means – you got it – your smartphone, computer, social media, streaming services, Bluetooth connected devices, etc. Just because you are watching Netflix without “Netflix and chilling”, does not mean you are by yourself. Anything that will give your brain that instant boost of endorphins is distracting you from fully being alone.

To that point I would also argue that engaging with anything other than solely yourself – exercise or calling up a friend, for example – is a defense. In the age we live in there are ten-thousand possible defenses looming within reach that we must not fall prey to. If we are constantly falling victim to their power we are not able to embrace ourselves and how we truly regulate. The earlier we embrace ourselves the more control, understanding, and determination we will have over our journeys in life.

When we are with ourselves we let go of everything else, so that we may be with our body and mind and ride the swell of our core emotions. According to Hillary Hendel’s change triangle – which I find very helpful and will post below – we must not only relinquish our defenses, but we must also release what she terms “inhibitory emotions”, so that we may embrace our “core emotions”.

Many of use may be familiar with those “inhibitory emotions” – anxiety, shame and guilt – that block us off from feeling our “core emotions” – fear, anger, grief, joy, excitement, disgust, and sexual excitement. According to this model and my experience with it, it is critical that we learn how to release our defenses and inhibitory emotions and embrace our core emotions. Once we do this we can ride the swell of our core emotions and reach a more open-hearted state.

Here’s a visual model of the change triangle:

Now let’s briefly talk about the added difficulty of being with oneself when you live in an urban metropolis. Personally I live in New York City, but if you live in any city or have a town center where you are constantly surrounded by other people, scrounging for your own parcel of land, you will know what I mean. Being surrounded by people of all backgrounds and in different kinds of configurations all day long gives you a whole added layer of stimulus to process. Often it is just too much stimulus, and we cant process it all.

What I would recommend is to piece by piece try and take in all of the stimulus that is around us. Don’t shut it out. Piece by piece recognize how the world around you effects you. Interact with it. Then when you have time to yourself – in your room or in a park or cafe – process individually how all the stimulus around you is effecting you. What are the core emotions that you are experiencing? If you let this stimulus in and approach a big city in this way, you will come to grow stronger and more connected to yourself and your emotions.

If it is difficult to let the stimulus of the outside world in, I think it is okay to have a buffer. You can have a buffer on certain topics and still allow yourself to experience your core emotions in other realms. I think this departmentalization is okay as long as it is a conscious choice you are making and not a default defense mechanism to everything around you. It makes sense that it might feel easiest to follow the codes engrained in city life, like maintaining your personal bubble in the subway cart or elevator train. Not connecting at all times might be the sanest way to get through your day. If not always connecting to the outside worlds keeps our sanity intact and allows us to stay more connected to ourselves, I think this is the better option.

Those are my thoughts on being with oneself. Thanks for reading. #letstalkaboutit